Turning Grief to Action

NPR’s Linton Weeks writes about families who turned the death of a child into action, creating foundations or memorial funds to celebrate the memory of the child. Weeks quotes HFA Consultant Kenneth J. Doka, a professor of gerontology at the graduate school of The College of New Rochelle, who states that by setting these organizations, parents "are creating a bond with their children that goes beyond death." The piece is accompanied by links to several parent-founded foundations and audio from a mother remembering her son.

An example of one program:

The Collettis turned their parental energy to creating a memorial for Marc. "Joe and I immediately knew that we had to keep his dream alive," Lorenza says. "We did some research and spoke to a number of people. What we wanted at first was to have a room dedicated to Marc in an aquarium — a hands-on for children to educate them about marine life. That was too expensive."

Then the Collettis learned of a marine education program at the Science Museum of Long Island in Manhasset. Using family funds, they arranged to fund an annual field trip for middle-schoolers. Every September, six members of the inner-city Boys & Girls Club of Oyster Bay-East Norwich are treated to a daylong boat trip to learn about marine life and the environmental impact of humans on the ocean and the planet. The Collettis hope the students will be inspired to carry on the work their son began.

"I've been a few times onboard," Lorenza says, "and it's so touching because then in the middle, in the center of the water, they stop the boat and they ring the bell for a minute of silence for Marc. And I know he's watching. And when he's watching I know that all these kids, they are loving the water. And loving what he loves. And his spirit is around in that moment. I just love it."

HFA's 2007 teleconference companion book, Living With Grief: Before and After the Death, edited by Kenneth J. Doka includes two chapters that touch upon this topic: "Inner Reality and Social Reality: Bonds With Dead Children and the Resolution of Grief" by Dennis Klass and "Grief as a Transformative Struggle" by Richard G. Tedeschi and Lawrence G. Calhoun.