Helping Children Spiritually Cope with Dying and Death

HFA Senior Consultant Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, MDiv, writes in the Religion section of the Huffington Post about helping children spiritually cope with death and dying.

As children encounter illness, loss and grief -- whether their own or someone close to them -- they seek to understand those events and to make sense of their experiences. This inevitably is a spiritual process as they turn to their beliefs, faith narratives, rituals and practices. They may not yet have the cognitive capacity to reach conclusions, yet they yearn for an explanation of events that are sometimes difficult, if not impossible, for even adults to answer. Their questions may show innocence and naiveté. For example, when her maternal grandmother died, my 3-year-old granddaughter took comfort from the belief that even though her grandmother was no longer physically present on earth, she would watch over her from heaven. However, this led to a very practical concern: Would her grandmother be able to see her on the toilet -- a potent issue as she was becoming toilet trained? We reassured her that her Grandma would not look at her in these very private moments.

Children as young as 2 or 3 years old are trying to make sense of their world, and inevitably they are encountering their spirituality. Illness, grief and loss are often part of their worlds as well, so their spiritual development helps shape how they grapple with issues for which they want a concrete explanation. Often it is these questions -- Why did grandma have to die? Why is there illness? What happens to you after you die? -- that spur a child's interest in spiritual questions and explanations.

This post is adapted from Living with Grief^®: Spirituality and End-of-Life Care, available from the Hospice Foundation of America's bookstore. This book is a companion piece to the Spirituality and End-of-Life Care educational program.